December 2008

So, December...now here's a funny thing. I had my beautiful niece and her daughter (my great-niece, I think) visiting from Hartlepool. They came up to see my beautiful new niece – Keeley – which means that the four-month-old is the four-year-old from Hartlepool's auntie! How's that for an unnatural run of things? Not to mention highly confusing!

But, back to reality! I had a show in December in Liverpool. This was a show set up by two very loyal Carol Laula fans – no, not my mum! But two folk who come all the way up to Scotland of an evening to enjoy a CL show.

I'd arranged for David and Marco to join us – like a wee bolt on to the end of the tour which had finished in October. So, no real rehearsal – well, no rehearsal at all – and here we were, with a room full of folk who had never heard CL live – no pressure then!

Of course, the guys NEVER let me down. They played a blinder and the audience really seemed to lap it up! They got the jokes (well they laughed at them anyway) and were so warm and welcoming...hopefully that's another date on the itinerary for next time.

We also had a pretty spectacular opener too – Charlotte Dove-Pointing. What a voice – watch out for that name, I honestly (and hopefully) believe that we'll be hearing it more and more often...one of the best voices I've heard for a while!

I also had a great wee gig with the amazing Yvonne Lyon. Her latest album (A Thousand Questions Why) just blows me away and for this gig, we did a few songs from it together. It was great fun and we really did have a captive audience – it was in Greenock Prison! (Bad joke...sorry!). In all seriousness though, the gig was smashing

And so, then all the working and the gigging stopped and we stepped on a plane to Jersey for 5 days. There's not really much I can say about it, except, ahhhh! My other new wee niece – yes, my family really is populating the earth! – Macy is just stunning. That coupled with the time we spent with the Jersey Princesses means that I had a whole lotta love and warmth in my pocket to set me up for my Christmas shopping. All I needed now was money...oh yes, and patience!!!

This year though, I was looking forward to my shopping even more than usual(!), especially as I'd left it so late (Christmas Eve) and had loads of stuff to get.

But, it wouldn't be a problem this year, especially after all the doom and gloom and the fact that folk weren't spending and the fact that everyone reported the worst Christmas takings since before Jesus Christ walked the earth, especially since folk were cancelling Christmas and not buying anything...

Well, to be honest, I'd like to know where these folk live because when I went to get my shopping, I couldn't move! It was absolutely mobbed. AND people were spending money like it was going out of fashion – just like any other Christmas really?

I got my shopping though and was dead excited because, not only was Santa coming, but we were going – on Boxing day to Thailand!

Ah yes, very merry Christmas to me!

So, I don't know if anyone's flown with Emirates Airlines? You know the ones where the female flight attendants have to wear that thing from their hat to their shoulder which seems to do absolutely nothing, except maybe keep mosquitoes off that bit of their face, but not really cos the mozzies could just go behind the thing!

Anyway, yes, Emirates Airlines – this is like the most gadget thing ever! This plane with something upwards of 800 seats had a wee telly behind everyone's seat which showed not one or two movies or anything. No, no, this was like having your own personal Sky TV dish (no pun intended). But here we were, up in the sky with hundreds of movies, music, sitcoms, documentaries, oldies, kids shows, foreign movies to chose from; and not only could you watch it, but you could do at a time that suited you. It was fantastic.

It also had a camera fitted to the nose and bottom of the plane so that you could get different views of take off and landing.

It had a phone too and you could phone home or, as I did, you could phone your pal in the next seat!

Or you could just turn round and talk to her......

How was Thailand ever going to beat the amazing plane journey!

On route to Thailand, we stopped off in Dubai, well the airport anyway. Never get to see much that way, except that there were about 50 monks ahead of us in the x-ray queue. That was our first of many over the next few weeks.

It's a long flight to Thailand from Glasgow so we got there the next day, if you know what I mean. When we got there, we were a wee bit shaky and tired – especially after not having slept, what with all those movies to watch.

We got a taxi through Bangkok and the busiest traffic (manic, but not as manic as Mexico city I don't think, although Amanda's contesting that!). This is a big city, dirty and fast and hot and what lovely people...AND the best food EVER!

Our hotel was smashing and right on the most touristy street in Bangkok – Khao San Road! Not always the preferred option, but it was fine. Not least of all because we bought pad thai on the street – great sized portions and all cooked in front of us – for the equivalent of FORTY PENCE! Can you believe it, FORTY PENCE...What's that, about 60 cents? It was an incredibly cheap place all in.

And then, on day one we got ripped off!

Lonely Planet tells you not to talk to the guy on the street who chats to you then tells you that the place you're going to is closed and why not go round the corner and get a wee tuk tuk that will take you to all these places on your map that he will mark for you.

I didn't read that part!

So, guess what, I got chatting to a guy on the street who told me that the place I was going to was closed and why not go and get a tuk tuk round the corner. Guess what else, he marked my map and told me that the tuk tuk driver would take me to all these places for really cheap...the same forty pence as the pad thai cost!

Duh! As if he would take me to all these place for 40p.

Well, yes, he took me to lots of them – VIA all these clothes and jewellery shops!

It was all fine though, we weren't buying anything. And, he did come clean and tell us that if he took us to these places, he got some sort of commission coupon and we didn't have to buy, so it was okay AND we did get to see the most amazing sights.

I wont list them, but suffice to say, I saw many Buddhas, large and small – I mean really large, like over a hundred feet tall. And long, like over a hundred feet long. Met so many lovely people and at the last place, our wee tuk tuk driver let us out, told us he'd meet us after we were done and then disappeared – never to be seen again!

We were aghast! How could we be so stupid? We've travelled, we're not totally daft and then we realised – he hadn't actually taken any money from us at any point – not even the 40p! Nor did he steal our bags or come on to us. Nope all he got were his coupons and off he went...we walked!

How bizarre!

We laughed about it that night though, whilst having our daily foot massage – tough life in Thailand you know – but I don't get all the foot massage stuff.

According to Thai belief, the feet are dirtiest part of the body and to show someone the sole of your feet is considered the biggest insult! And then, here are all these folk offering to massage your dirty, unholy feet? I don't get it and so, all those foot massages were really research, to find out why this was so – you can never have too much research, right?

After our massage that night, we had a cocktail at our hotel bar and were joined by a beautiful woman. It was strange that a Thai person would approach you, given that they are generally so polite and reserved.

It didn't take long to work out though, that Nancy was a guy, a very beautiful guy at that.

He told us a bit about his situation – of course it was fascinating.

Apparently in Thailand, transsexuals are considered a third sex and not unusual at all. In fact many schools in Thailand have three toilets – ladies, gents and lady boys!

Can you imagine that here? Eh, naw!!!

Anyway, after a couple of days, it was time to get out of Bangkok! Booked some overnight bus through our hotel and were then kidnapped!!!

Well, that's what it felt like!

The bus we got on had enough legroom for a Lilliputian from Gulliver's Travels. The toilet was...interesting! But, best of all, the air vents were broken and in order to stop the (very cold) air coming out, we had to stuff toilet roll in them!

So, not much sleep. But then, that was obviously the ploy so that when we got to Chiang Mai, we would be so tired, we wouldn't notice that we were dropped in the middle of the motorway, hustled into a wee van and then taken to a wee B&B where the guy who offered you coffee (that tasted like tea) was trying to sell you a room for the night and a three day trek with elephants in the jungle.

'ahem', I coughed, 'we're here for a wedding and are staying at the Sira hotel, any idea where that is?'

No answer, we were free to leave if we wanted – and so, the kidnap was over!

We finally got to the Sira Boutique hotel, which was quite exquisite and clean, and lovely and posh and just perfect; one of those hotels that make me wonder why on earth I stay in cockroach-infested places???

Chiang Mai is a fantastic place, really charming and quite colonial – if it wasn't for all those Buddhas. Honestly, every corner you turn you'll see a gigantic, majestic statue of Buddha next to an exquisite temple, usually full of Thai people on their own spiritual journey and tourists like me with their mouths agape!

Looking at photographs now, you still don't get the idea of how imposing these statues are, not aggressive or menacing, but just huge and omnipresent.

I wont go into the wedding too much (heard that one haven't you?), but there are a few things certainly worth mentioning.

The night before, the wedding party met up to launch lanterns.

This was a lovely ritual. The bride and groom set off these huge, five foot, lanterns (seven of them) and sent them burning, into the night. It's a great Thai tradition and seven is a lucky number in Thailand. This must be a thing to do at New Year, because the night sky was awash with these burning lanterns, it was quite something.

It is a country full of traditions and none more so than on the morning of the wedding when we went to make merit to the monks.

For a Thai boy, it is their moral duty to live as a monk for at least three months. Many go on and live their life as a monk, but many fulfil their moral duty and do it for the few months. During that time, a monk cannot buy anything, it has to be bought for them supposedly. It is the same with food. And so, in the morning, before the sun comes up, monks parade the street and collect food from people who have gone to be blessed etc. Again, like most of the customs in Thailand, it is quite something to behold.

We took a wee Sang Thaw (taxi) up to a temple at 5am. There were about twenty of us. We bought our offerings which were for sale in abundance anywhere on the streets. This offering consisted of a wee bag of rice, some vegetable curry, some bread and some other bits and bobs, as well as a beautiful flower.

When a monk nears, you are supposed to remove your shoes, kneel down, bow your head and, only when he opens his basket, do you put make your offering. Women are not allowed to touch monks.

Making Merit, as it's called was, I felt, a really emotional experience. I don't really know why, but I know that I spent most of the day in tears. Mostly happy, but really emotional!!

Maybe it's because I was away from home at New Year, maybe because we were at a special wedding, or maybe just because I'm a real greetin' face! Who knows, but that whole day was a real tearful one.

The wedding was beautiful – a tradition Lanna wedding – and full of amazing customs too.

The food was amazing and plentiful, the ceremony was incredible – sung in Lanna by a Lanna monk, the bride looked stunning in traditional Thai dress as did much of the wedding party. At one point I felt as though I was in a Broadway production of the King and I!

And then the kilts gave the game away and the next thing you know, courtesy of all the Scots at Hogmanay – the whole wedding turned into a big Glasgow sing-song rammay – brilliant fun!!!

Carol