1st - 9th February So, GW, TB and SH are addressing the issue of WMD and hope to save us from WW III and the WI will be given a LMT to investigate the S in I before GW feels the need to persuade TB to feel the need to get their WMD out, so that they can tell SH that his WMD are insignificant - is it me? Or do we actually live in abbreviations and soundbites? SPEAK ENG-ER-LISH BHOAYS - as if that would make it any more sensicle...oops...I means sensible right? (love George!)

And, its February, we have global warming and all that - which is a good thing really, considering that MY CENTRAL HEATING IS COMPLETELY STUFFED - STILL! Its nice to live in a listed building and all, but please, please, please, let us preserve these buildings from rot by letting us put a central heating flue on the wall - not much to ask one thinks when you consider that the price of some places round here sell for ONE HUNDRED AND SIXTY FIVE THOUSAND POUNDS. How did that happen? Who let it happen? What is it all about? Acht, not to worry, when we finally get a labour government in, they'll put things to rights - right?

Next, SOMEBODY STOLE THE TAX DISC from Neo! My wee £15 road tax disc! 2003 has SO much to answer for! I went into the police station so that I could get some number so that I could get new road tax for a fraction of the price.

'well, its only £15' says I
'yeah, well that can be a lot of money'
'fair enough' I thought, but said aloud 'what would someone want with my tax disc?' when really what I should have said was 'you bananas are in green box of the my love!'
Truth be told...I don't have a bright criminal mind, or is that just 'an enterprising mind'? But anyway...
'well' said constable Maxwell 'criminals aren't bright, they will use your disc for their CAR WINDSCREEN'

EH...? Suddenly I'm back in Naith Land! Duh - how could someone get away with using my £15 disc as a substitute for their £130 per year disc? Its mental, I don't get it - I'd be too scared, although, its looking more and more attractive!

anyway...I guess I DO talk too much...!

This week it dawned on me, I gotta get some space to write some new songs - there are loads of them just kicking around inside me somewhere but I have to get away from the phone, the partner, the phone, the god daughter, the job, the phone, the telly, the phone, the computer and write them...but nope, not yet...they will come though, when its time. Meantime, thanx to all who have offered covers suggestions - I now realise that I have to put out a quadruple album of covers PER YEAR to satisfy your thirst (and mine) for all good songs.

Suffice to say then, that I got no new songs finished but did have a great time hanging out with my mum, discussing the songs we were going to play for the Comedy Festival in Paisley...which was really just a foil for watching a video of Chicago with my mum and sister...I don't know if anyone has seen it...but I thought it was absolutely wonderful. the music, singing, routines and all that jazz (!) were, I thought, outstanding. As were the actors...I thought Richard G and Renee Cantspellitwigger were fab. However, love her or don't, I thought KZJ stole the show. I have always found her a brill actor - High Fidelity and even American Sweethearts - but this was something else. What an amazing all rounder she is...She can dance, sing, act, sue magazines et al, and I think its fantastic. Renee? Well, that vacuous blonde thing she started doing after Jerry McGuire has started to do my head in. Ask her what I'm talking about and she'll say something like 'uh...I don't know'! Still...I know she speaks highly of me!!!!!!!!

Another movie I revisited this week was Mullholland Drive...I loved it first time I saw it, this time was no different except for a growing feeling that David Lynch is so taking the piss.

All reviews and comments welcome (even from you Pamela...the only other person in the world who saw Pay it Forward)


10th-16th February This week things started to get a wee bit exciting about the show planned for next week. Rehearsals started in earnest...well as earnest as things can be in my band - especially when the band consists of me, my mum and Alby. We drank some tea...had dinner...more tea...played a couple of chords...more tea...then went home. 'Aye mum, it'll be fine'. A couple of the Paisley/Renfrewshire weeklies and dailies had started to do features on the gig and on mum and I singing, with each one centring around the fact that my mum would be singing. All very exciting except that now my mum has started to talk like a foreign person who is learning English...'the paper? me...? Inside...? A photo...?' Yes, these are the nouns to work on for next week's class dear!

It's all getting VERY exciting.

The biggie this week though, HAD to be the anti-war march on February 15th. I felt that this was an outstanding day. You know, there is a reported apathy about politics and how people are disengaged and that young adults aren't interested...! Well, you know, if anyone had bothered to look at that march on Saturday then they would have realised that it aint true, people aren't disengaged with politics...only with the politicians and with the political system we have in place in this country, this 'great' democracy. (I feel a rant coming on)

Well, no wonder...!

There is a question mark over the US approach to war. What evidence is there of weapons of mass destruction etc. Well, don't worry Tony and GeorgeW say they exist...hey, wait a minute, aren't the folk who are talking about the WMD that Saddam is lying about the same folk who told us that the Iraqi soldiers came and stole hospital equipment in the now infamous 'incubator baby' story? Aren't they the same folk who exonerated themselves, by talking about the sophistication of 93% precision of the so-called 'smart bombs'. The same ones who then admitted - after killing thousands of innocents - that there was no such thing as smart bombs. It makes me sick and angry and most of all sad...no wonder there's a question mark over our approach to war.

Anyway, back to the march...in Glasgow it was wonderful. Strathclyde police said that there were 27,000 protestors there...eh? 27,000...nah! I was in the SECC car park and got a call from my friend and her husband who were still in George Square. I think the police left off a '1'. The sun was shining, folk were singing and picnicking and having a really good time. Of course, there was the usual rhetoric from all the opposition politicians who were slagging off Tony Blair and being opportunistic, saying that they wouldn't be doing that and stuff - I gotta tell you, if they were in office, I think they would be doing exactly that! Anyway, we had a great banner (homemade out of a Yamaha product cardboard box) saying...

WAR - Gonni no dae that!

It raised a chuckle or two...but no more that all the others did. So many people had gone to so much effort - they had ENGAGED in politics. There were so many folk there that had never done anything like it before. Mums, dads, children, university lecturers, musicians, joiners, girl guides, firemen, teachers, pub workers, everyone. I found it very emotional - not just cos I cry at almost everything, but because of the futility of it. Here we were...masses of people motivated to protest at the unjust situation of war in our name...an no-one would listen! Tony Blair was in the SECC talking to the Labour Party Conference...in the SECC while we were outside in the car park protesting. I'm no advisor, nor am I particularly smart when it comes to politics, but I gotta say, if he had just come out, if he had made the 200 yard walk to the platform and said something like 'yep, I know what you're saying, I can't listen fully, but I know you're there' - it would have made such a difference. Not only to the protestors, but to the whole political game, to the support for the push to war, to the support for the Labour party even, to the fact that people are heard by those who need to listen most.

But no, he didn't and it was so insulting! Mind you, there was a huge cheer when the speaker from the platform announced that hundreds of delegates had left the conference to join the protest...people in politics with the courage of their convictions - now there's a novelty!

Anyway, I'm going to move off this subject because it makes me very sad...not just the war, but because our politicians don't give a damn about what we are saying to them, it is so patronising! But more than that, by not even entering into any sort of dialogue, by trailblazing the war route and by not even takin into consideration the massive anti war protest, these folk - George W and Tony Blair - are behaving in the same arrogant, blinkered way as Saddam!


17th - 23rd February This was a good week...getting all wound up for the Paisley in Stitches festival and Saturday's gig. There is a really warm feeling when something like this is coming up. Its like a mix of confidence and fear - how much you'll enjoy it and what if... - its kinda like having been on holiday and the mixed excitement and fear of getting home - know what I mean? Nah...? Err...?

And the next thing you know, its here then its gone...!

It was a fantastic festival. Julie Millar at the Paisley Partnership had pulled out all the stops and had done a magnificent job covering all the marketing, James Dean was so sorted out with the set and the technical guys (Jane, Blake & John) from Reid Kerr College. The Paisley in Stitches 'graduates' (pissers, we call them) were all scheduled to go on with professional comedians which, I think, made them raise their game a good bit. Remembering that most of these comedians had only done about 8 gigs, what they managed to do in those few nights was astounding...and then there was Bob Doollaly! Well, that guy is just amazing. You gotta see him in his civvies, he looks so different...young, trendy, unassuming...then enter Bob, auld, untrendy, totally assuming AND a close purrsonal friend you understand! It was Bob-in-his-civvies who ran the training programme for Paisley in Stitches so I dare say he had as much, if not more, riding on the festival than anyone else. But you'd never know. There was a great atmosphere amongst the team that put it all together...everyone mucked in and did what they do. The feeling of camaraderie was wonderful.

So too was the festival. We pretty much sold out three of the four nights. The opening night was great too though, with Tom Urie and Marj from the Karen Dunbar Show turning up and strutting their stuff. Tom's from Paisley and a close purrsonal friend of mine you understand! The Friday night was a little mental though, you know, Paisley's first comedy festival and all, we're just finding our feet and some folk were talking...a little too loudly for some others. So, at the end of the night, I heard a girl saying to Amanda (who was sporting an Access All Areas pass) 'did you take to do with this?', 'No', she said 'but Carol did' and pointed to me. Well there I was, clearing up and stuff, feeling all important and sure that this girl was just about to adorn me and the whole Paisley in Stitches festival with compliments.

'hello there' I said to her, all smug, just waiting for the praise, 'what can I do for you'
'this', she said 'has been an absolute disaster...'

ah

'oh, well, erm, what, is, how...eh?'
'...an absolute disaster' she repeated, as if the knife wasn't quite deep enough, and even if it was she wanted to TWIST it - just to make sure!

Well, what could I say...?

'its our first time, you know, you have to give things a chance...its just that...'
'I've got tickets for tomorrow night...and I'm seriously considering NOT coming'

Now, 'tomorrow night' was MY night - I could see that my tact had to change...I could be suave (as ever!) and just say fine, or I could get down on my knees and beg her to come - hmmm watch this space...!

So, gig day was upon me...but wait, I had 56 people coming to my house tomorrow to celebrate my mum's birthday...didn't I have stuff to do...yeah, like phone folk and tell them what to bring - the word breeze comes to mind.

Anyway, off to the gig. James Dean was all organised and shouting orders at John, Blake and Jane...I swear he's trying to impress me but, hey, he got me right off with the balaclava - right!

The show was absolutely fabulous. A lot of Carol Laula fans who are ALWAYS so respectful - but a good few who were first timers so there was a good spread of folk there.

I got there and was fussing about - Alby was playing bass and was setting up stage, so, off I went into the dressing room to discover that my mum had been there for sometime, not doing anything, just lapping up the whole back stage, sound check thing. I'll tell you, if anyone was born for the stage...

The sound check was fine and easy, except that my mum wanted to rehearse, and again, and again and again. I love her - right...

So, gig time...It was a girls night, so the compere was a woman - Sandra Johnston - a comedian who just kills me. She kept the whole thing rolling along. I wish I could tell you some of her jokes but I would never do it as well as she can. Anyway, I just love it. That wee bit before you go on stage, the audience anticipation and the anticipation back stage...aw naw, I'm not even funny...Ladies and Gentlemen...how am I going to make jokes...please welcome...what if they don't laugh...Carol Laula...

And that's it...they're off...no hesitation...I just love it, all of it...even the heckling, in fact, I positively insist upon it. I had a nice trip down memory lane. What I did when I heard this song and why I loved that song and so on and so on...then it was time...

My wee mum...she burst onto the stage looking as cool and suave as Lana Turner (when Lana Turner WAS cool and suave) and I just had to mention that for weeks she had been walking around like a wee kiddie, all excited about the show and laughing to herself and stuff - and here she was, a goddess, who looked like she had been on stage all her life. And boy could she do it...it added a magical glint to a magical night.

We sang a Fred Astaire song - 'isn't this a lovely day to be caught in the rain' - that we used to sing when I was wee and a CL song - 'Child of Mine' - which meant she could look all love-y at me and stuff - it was MAGIC. I can't thank my mum enough for singing and, as I said on the night, I can't thank my dad enough for NOT singing! There was so much of it, I was on for about an hour and 15, but only managed to sing 9 songs - sooo much chat. But not all of it could translate here onto the page...it was one of those, you had to be there, moments...I think most of it was funny!

Patricia was the 'disaster' girl, I think we were in the same school, she came back that night and took my jibbing her - from the stage - in the best possible humour. I think it was okay in the end, except that you now have the picture of me on both knees, begging someone to come to my show - acht well, what to do?

Next day, it was get up and get ready for your house to be beset by 56 members of my family - argh. 2pm it kicked off so I thought g-r-e-a-t, they'll be gone by five - five in the morning, more like! No doubt about it, my family are ALL nuts, even my step-brothers and sisters. There was so much food, so much booze, so much laughter, so many kids and so much decadence. Great fun - I even got my mum to sing the songs again, after a lot of pressure mind you...

'mum, will you si...'
'of course...2,3,4...'

you know the scene, it must be tough to be so shy.


24th - 28th February Hmmm...working Monday, no time to clean the house after the party...will do it tonight...OH - MY - GOD! Julie, my wonderful sister, had, in her wonderful-ness, decided to bring these wee party things that, once you burst them, sends thousands of confetti into the air, then onto the furniture, and onto the top of the piano, and all over the shelves and then, if your lucky - THE FLOOR! I love my sister dearly and look forward to the next party she has at HER HOUSE!!!!!

I had to review the new Art Garfunkel CD for Brian Morton's show...that was a tough one. Not because the album wasn't good, in fact, it was excellent. A little soft at parts and kinda nicey nicey. But the harmonies took me back to Simon and Garfunkel - it was very nice. 'Everything Waits To Be Noticed' was the name of the CD. I don't think that I would listen to it often, but I would listen to it when it was cold and dull outside and I had nothing to do inside except for listen to warm music.

No, it was tough to be on the BBC's t-time show because of all the latest controversy surrounding Brian and his leaving and his colleagues etc. I think Brian Morton, as I've said before, is a stalwart of the Scottish music and arts scene and it seems sad that an institution like the BBC and a man like Brian should part on such bad terms. Its a tough one, possibly with no resolution, but its a tough one nonetheless.

I got to hang out some more with my god-daughter and I'm sure that, like the strathclyde police, I have a tendency to miss out a '1' when it comes to realising that she is 9 years old - she is so grown up and is developing quite an attitude - where was king herod when I really needed him?

I am moving things tentatively forward on the consultancy front in the hope that there will still be a job for me after 31st March - if not its no bother...particularly as yesterday, I had another will-say-wont-say meeting with our biggest 'partner'. I could NEVER work on that level - better to open yer trap and be honest that to keep it shut and wake up at 5am sweating and wishing...! As far as the job goes, hopefully I'll know what's happening soooooon and, as soon as I do, you will!

No big Neo stories this month except that someone stole my tax disc. One thing that I love about it though, is when I'm put, put, putting along on my wee 50cc hairdryer and some big effoff Harley, or whatever, thunders past, looks straight at me and nods...This is such a thrill, I feel like king of the road, part of a private club where only we understand 'the nod'. Of course, mr Harley Davidson is not doubt up at the lights by this point laughing his head off, but hey, undeterred, I don't have to know that - right?

Till next time, take good care, make sure you wash yer hands once you've been to the loo. AND stay engaged with politics, I feel that the climate is changing...the war is shit but there is a shift in this democracy - we'll only see it if we keep our eye on the ball...What a philosopher...Eh?

See ya

Carol