January 2009

So, a couple of days after all the celebrations, we went on a tour! It was a wee bit of elephant trekking and wee bit of rafting and some walking into the jungle.

It was an amazing day, made even more amazing for Amanda by the two glamorous Americans who were in our party. What did it for her is that as we stepped onto the minibus at 7am, one of the girls, Stacey, was putting on lip-gloss!!! Friends for life…she continued to look amazing whilst atop an elephant!

It was a nice group and the elephants were fabby. Ever seen one up close? Anyone who says they are cute was looking at the wrong elephant. These things are huge and sweaty and slevvery and cumbersome. But lovely too!

They are revered in Thailand (as are many strange things…remember the feet thing???) and have one human companion all their life that is supposed to take care of them all their life.

So, off we went, trudging around on these elephants, looking like something from Out of Africa. It was great fun and we shared our elephant with a lovely English man called Andrew. He was lovely and just newly divorced and really missing his daughter and…isn't it strange, the information you'll impart while sitting on the head of an elephant???

Next leg was the bamboo rafting. Well, Amanda and I are crafty and smart…well Amanda is. She's thinking, 'rafting + water = sarongs + cozzies' everyone else was thinking, 'rafting + water = I wish I'd brought my sarong + cozzie like those two mad Scots wummen'. But no, we were dry and they were wet for the rest of the day – worst thing about aircon in a minibus, wet clothes just wont dry! However, Stacey the model who had been sitting grimacing atop the raft (with water coming up to her waist, saw a camera and immediately went into top-model pose – even in the face of adversity, she managed to look totally glamorous. Of course, the minute the camera went away, she went right back to her glamorous grimace!

Our wee tour guide was lovely. There is a thing that I noticed in Thailand, from our tuk-tuk 'rip-off' and our 'kidnapping' from the rubbish big bus to the wee vans, it's like everyone gets a wee cut and that was no different from our Sam, the tour guide.

I also noticed that folk were football crazy. And Sam, our guide and I got talking about deep and meaningful life things like, 'where would you go if you could go anywhere in the world', thankfully his sense of irony was as good as his English! Anyway, where do you think he wants to go? Anywhere in the world???

Manchester!

It seems that 'Beckham, Rinaldo, Rooney' are overtaking music on the 'universal language' stakes!!!

After our big day, we went for a wee stroll round the Saturday Walking Market. These walking markets are big markets where you can get hunners o' stuff for cheap! Well, they should in fact be called stopping markets! That is, they're so busy, that you can't walk, you can only hope that the person in front of you is moving so that you don't walk into their heels! Maybe that's why there is so much foot massage?

We met a lovely couple, an Australian guy with a beautiful Thai wife. This coupling was apparent everywhere we went in Thailand – not only Australian hubbies of course, but many western nationalities.

It didn't seem sinister though, like the sex tourism we witnessed in Cuba, for example. Although, I can't really put my finger on why this was the case? I think maybe because all the couples we noticed were chatting with each other and usually back home visiting family and generally seeming to enjoy each other's company. Who knows of course, but it just felt a wee bit different in Thailand. Mind you, we didn't go to the red-light area in Bangkok; that might have changed my thoughts during my time in Thailand…who knows???

Next day we went to Doi Suthep – a big massive temple up in the mountains. Did we walk there in order to exorcise the evils of our time in Thailand, to repent for our life sins? Nah, we took a wee taxi.

Funny though, cos the first person we asked was going to charge us 700 baht and the next person was looking for 60 baht! Interesting and quick exchange rate eh?

This temple was an interesting one, no big massive Buddha, but a big building in the middle – now I don't mean to be blasphemous, but I though joining the queue would take us into this big building, but no, we just went round in a big square, trying our hardest to look earnest and serious, we didn't have much luck. Even more so when we left the queue in slight hysterics and tried to calm ourselves down by going to buy an offering and laying it at the feet of one of the Buddhas or monks. So, off I went, put my money down and lifted an offering – not realising that the offering I'd just lifted was just placed there by someone! Duh! Hysterics abound.

So, off we went with the shame of Buddha following us…! Honest, it was an accident!

Whilst we were leaving the temple full of shame, a BIG elephant just happened past…just walked by us in the middle of the rows of shops; it was the most bizarre thing!

I think we felt the need to repent some more for our sins. So, we went to another temple, just outside Chiang Mai city walls. And, it was beautiful. No big tourist queues, no big 'buy your offering here' signs (not that I'd have noticed). No, this temple was just lovely. There were wee kids playing in the grounds and folk just meandering past. And, as was often the case, the kids we met wanted to try out their English. It was so special, these wee kids walked up to Amanda, couldn't get over her milky skin, they just stopped dead and stared at her arms. After some discussion in the group, the eldest (well, certainly the tallest) said, 'you are so beautiful' and they all giggled with the biggest smiles ever – it was just lovely!

And so, we were off - overnight bus (a government bus this time, with snacks and movies and clean blankets and toilet roll!!!) to Bangkok and a flight down to Krabi on the Andaman coast.

We were in the airport for ages and, I think given that we hadn't slept much, more hysterics ensued.

Not least of all when we noticed a couple behind us in the breakfast place who had on the hugest glasses ever, they were so big, the were like joke glasses. But the biggest laugh was that, after we'd (cruelly) christened them Harry Potter and Hermione, they just disappeared. We looked round and they were gone! Now we were at the door and saw everyone who passed so, the only explanation was that they were indeed, Harry and Hermione and had cast a disappearing spell. This was clarified when Amanda noticed that they had left their wands behind!!!!!!!!

Waaaa, more hysterics – just knock out us!!

Anyway, Krabi…this was a great city – I loved it! We stayed in a fine, (aka, basic) wee place which cost about £6 each.

From Krabi, you could go lots of places…

We went on a tour of some islands…it was just amazing. More so for Amanda who is prize snorkeller. For me it was like stepping into a bath. The water was so clear and so warm…just bliss.

Another tour we went on was to 'James Bond Island'. The island was the one in the Man with the Golden Gun.

This was quite remarkable…the rock formations and all.

You'd think that after all these years as James Bond Island, there'd be some James Bond memorabilia to buy – eh naw!!! You could buy plenty of trash-y jewellery if you wanted. Or you could go for a walk round this small but stunning island, but that was it. It was crammed with tourists (me included) and the women who were selling things were really aggressive in their tactics. None of that 'you like you buy' stuff, no, no, these women were right on you, grabbing your arm and pulling you over to look at their stalls. It was actually a wee bit scary! (where was Mr Bond when you needed him eh?)

We also saw the most amazing temple. It was a natural one, in that all of it was built into a cave – still gigantic Buddhas and stuff, but also hundreds of wee wild monkeys running around. It was great fun and I felt like I was getting to see my new wee niece, Keeley – I was missing her on this trip, terribly, so I felt like I got to see her for a minute! Not to say that she looks like a monkey, just that these wee monkeys reminded me of her!

Quickly moving on to another cave…!

Our boat stopped at a beach which housed a shrine of fertility. Our guides strongly suggested we go to see this holy/majestic shrine and, was that a slight grin on their faces?

Perhaps, because when we got to see this shrine, it was just full of penises, large, small, thin and thick! And, there were literally thousands of them…not a Buddha in sight mind you!!!

That night we found a fairground...well, a fairground without the rides. You could play a lottery to win a car, or some cheap Tupperware stuff…we won the Tupperware by the way! There were also lots of stalls to buy stuff at. You could buy wigs. You could buy plastic guns. You could buy socks and bras and bags.

But, perhaps most noticeably, you could buy deep fried insects to eat – including COCKROACHES!!! Erm, not for me thanks! I was however, compelled to look at these 'delicacies' over and over. I think maybe in a past life, I was one (or maybe that's yet to come)!!! But to eat one? NO WAY! I know you're not supposed to say never, but believe me…NEVER!

That night also, we had a reminder of how beautiful Thai people are. They seem to smile all the way up from their toes. It is so uplifting!

But there we were in a bar for our t-time tequila (!) when the barmaid, engrossed by Amanda's milky white skin served us (remember we've been there for almost three weeks and Amanda's still whiter that daz!). Anyway, she brought the drinks over and just stared (much like the kids at the temple in Chiang Mai) 'you are more beautiful than a flower' she said! Wasn't that just the loveliest thing – Amanda felt like Kate Moss!!

Anyway, I think I mentioned how cheap Thailand was, particularly for food (and probably cockroaches, but I'll never know)? Well, on our last day in Krabi, we took a wee boat out to an place called Railey (spelling?).

It's a resort that you can only get to by boat and it was clearly very posh and a bit exclusive, you know the type of thing, walled hotels and 'PRIVATE POOL' written everywhere!

Well, we went for lunch – just a single course and a coffee – it would probably cost about a fiver between up in Krabi. But here in this little piece of heaven, it was about £14 EACH – we were out of there before you could say 'hey, I'm fae Paisley, that's-extortionate-so-it-is-mister!!!'.

I don't think I mentioned how vast Thailand is? The country is really well serviced by bus, but even an overnight bus only takes you to Bangkok and so you have to break your journey by changing to another bus station depending on which direction you are going in. So from Krabi to Ko Chang, which was the last leg of our journey, meant that we had to go overnight, starting early evening and, after going across Bangkok by bus to another bus station first thing in the morning, we had to take another bus further east and then take a boat to the island. We didn't get there till about 20 hours later.

Shame eh?

Especially when we got there…we ended up in this amazing place where our room was about ten feet from the ocean – are you feeling really sorry for me yet?

Not only that, but we met the bride, groom and loads of the wedding party; a half-baked plan which, surprisingly, came to fruition!

We spent six nights in Ko Chang, supposedly chilling out and going to the amazing beaches. But, all we really did in the first place we stayed at was go the pool which, by the way was separated from the sea by a small wall, so I was nearly at the beach…not chilling exactly?!

I read Barak Obama's book, Dreams from my Father(?) which was beautifully written, and just chilled, slept, ate, drank and laughed.

We rented a car one day and drove round the island…well as far as we could until the road just stopped. Just in the middle of no-where, it just stopped – on a dark night, we could have ended up off the edge!

Another night, we went out with the wedding party (keen to keep the party going I think) and ended up commandeering a great bar, including the band's guitars and stuff and – as usual – I ended up singing, much to the delight of my pals, and of course, some of the punters.

Next day, I was famous in our hotel as all the folk who were staying there had been in that bar the night before!

After a few days we moved from our lovely, clean, insect free, close to the ocean room and moved to a not-so-lovely, not-clean, ant-infested, even closer to the ocean hotel room! I don't know why, but we did! Well, I suppose it was because my toes were practically in the ocean whilst I was still lying in bed – we did have an idyllic outlook, if not an idyllic 'inlook'!

It was even funnier because our room had a shower, but the shower was open air! It's as if they built the rooms then added the shower on later – without the roof; functional, but that's where it ends. I decided never again! So, if in a year or two I'm writing about some dodgy place we'd stayed in, will you please remind me of what I've said in this diary!

Our trip ended with planes, trains, automobiles and boats. That is to say, that on the last day of our trip, we took a two hour taxi ride to the pier for a boat ride of about an hour to a bus, which took about six hours to another bus which took twenty minutes to a plane which took 5 hours to another plane which took 9 hours to my step-dad's car which took twenty minutes straight to bed! Long day…

When I finally woke up – about two days later! It was off to visit everyone – I always love that, when you get home and see everyone.

And next thing you know, it's February!

Carol Laula