1st - 7th March Okay, so, this month I will start with a question...what is it with guys in white vans? Do you think they were mental drivers before that radio station started its rant on 'white van man' or do you think they've always been aggressive, arrogant, bully-ing, cruel, dangerous (I'm sure if I tried I could get a word for these guys beginning with each letter of the alphabet!). This is all multiplied by one zillion when one is on a 50cc hairdryer/moped.

Indeed Carol, that wasn't a question but in fact, a rant - so now I feel a little calmer...to March...

Poor Old Ben were in Cava recording studios recording their single - its bloody magic by the way. It was also great to be back in Cava recording studios (where I recorded my first two albums). It is such a stalwart of Glasgow 's and Scotland's buzzing music scene. And, is it my imagination or are we back on the musical map with the likes of Franz Ferdinand and Snow Patrol and stuff - just magic me thinks. Anyway, POB will be following in those footsteps I'm sure cos the studio track sounds brill.

And, of course, in preparation for my mum's round the world trip, she ended up in hospital! Nothing to worry about, just that they wanted to keep her in. She was talking about cancelling the trip - eh naw, says I, you will be going NO MATTER WHAT! Either that or I was wondering if I could tipex her name out on the ticket!

Now, since I have come home from Mexico (had to get that in!) I have been doing lots of workshops - I don't like to blab on about them here but the upshot is that I have been mental busy with stuff like that - highly successful and fulfilling they have been - however I just wanted a two-hour bath and an episode of the West Wing...nae luck! I had to rehearse with bloody Johnny Cameron before our show on the Renfrew Ferry - now I really know hardship, don't I?!

Anyway, it was a magic gig, lots of songs, lots of people and lots of fun - Johnny, Alby, Stuart and I - but I am looking for feedback here - is the ferry one of the noisiest gigs in the world? Or is it just me? I remember singing Halleluja and getting all into it and then hearing something like '...oh aye, its lovely the way the moon shines in...do you think Johnny's got any kids?' Eh? What a bizarre - and yet not too quiet - conversation!

The next night we were in Dalguise Village Hall - this was a fantastic night. The guys didn't come up for the show, but, since I was the babysitter, Caitlin and I went up. It was a really nice night. The only problem was that, for some reason, I admitted that I was a guide ambassador - now why would I do that...live and on stage? Maybe I was expecting someone to come with a big tray of those chocolate thingies and offer me some whilst raising an eyebrow saying 'ambassador?'. God knows, in fact, god knows why I'm sitting here talking about it now...

Apart from my expose - there was some great chat between myself and the audience...one woman even told us a joke at my request - oh how I wish I hadn't (as, no doubt does she)! Still, she went for it, probably knowing that my sharp-edged wit would have cut her to the quick as soon as she got to the punchline - something like, 'there's no F in brocolli'... -indeed, my sharp-edged wit cut her to the quick...as soon as she got to the punchline - I am an evil performer who is evil to the lovely people who bother to come and see me...I will go to hell! But before I do, thank you to the lovely lady who told the joke...I admire your bottle - if not your jokes! (see? there I go again...)

Also, this week, we had our Oscars night - well day really! One of the neighbours - I have about 14 of them - tapes the Oscars, we all spend the whole week avoiding the news and the subject so that we don't know who's won what, then we get all dressed up and drink champagne while watching the Oscars...what a laugh. I did notice that Renee Zelweigger (spelling?) reacted the same way to her oscar as she did to her Golden Globe and her BAFTA - hand over mouth, front, back and then front again...other hand to chest, flutter eyebrows. Now these things don't go noticed at the neighbours' oscar dooooooo...no doubt Renee's ears were burning!!!


8th - 14th March I was invited along to the Wynd Centre in Paisley to open the celebrations for International Women's Day - a great celebration and, if you ask me, it should be more than only one day of celebration - a year maybe!!! Anyway, got there, great centre, the people who were running it were very helpful and informative about what was going on...'just go out front in a minute, the press is there, the piper, all the women who are going to help us celebrate...and if you could just say a few words'...Yep, no bother - I had been practicing - 'hello, welcome to International Women's Day...'...'hello, welcome to International Women's Day...'...'hello, welcome to International Women's Day...'. There I was, purple ribbon, scissors, hunners of folk waiting to hear my words, the press snapping away and the piper - who couldn't find her reed and therefore couldn't play which meant that I couldn't cut the ribbon, which meant that the press was clicking away, which meant that everyone thought that it was open and all went inside before the pipes played and BEFORE I GOT TO DO MY 'FEW WORDS'! It had sounded so good in rehearsal, in front of my bathroom mirror - 'hello, welcome...'! - This reminds me of the first time I ever presented a radio show. It was a BBC Scotland show called 'Live at the Lemon Tree'. I don't know if you ever heard it but I had actually been on it a couple of times and knew that it was called ''Live at the Lemon Tree', so I just kept practicing that - 'Hello, you're listening to Carol Laula and we're Live at the Lemon Tree' in as many different tones as I could muster - I practiced it so much that I was saying it in my sleep. Then, when I got there after the long train journey to Aberdeen (two and a half hours saying 'Live at the Lemon Tree...') the producer told me that the name of the show had changed! ARRRRGGGHHHHH at the bloody Lemon Tree...!

Then, I had an interview for a community radio co-ordinator's job - didn't get it - apparently I didn't have enough experience - ! Glad to know that I've spend twenty years doing nothing!

Still, got to cheer myself up with the weekend of playing mum to Caitlin, she was staying while her mum was off, drinking champagne at Cameron House - bummer eh? On the saturday night we were scheduled to go to a party except that Caitlin was all sleepy and I was pretty tired too, having just attended a funeral of a wonderful man - Jack Irvine, gone, but not forgotten...

...So, we bombed the party out, got some dvds, sweets and crisps and sat in all night cuddling and watching telly amidst all the 'we're getting our house painted' boxes...heaven.

Next day it was bon voyage to my mum and kenny who were off to start their round the world trip. I think my mum was trying really hard - almost feeling an obligation - to cry. But she couldn't...she was too excited. As was everyone else - this is to be the trip of a lifetime for them - they are on the Australian leg of their journey right now.

That night I went to see Tippi in Stereo - now here is a really exciting performer. I hadn't seen her with the band before, just the acoustic thing. (she's opened for me a few times) but this was really in your face, sexy, pop meets the Pretenders - excellent. Her album is due out very soon and I think it may be worth a buy and listen!


8th - 14th March Happy St Patrick's day
Yeah, so, lots of workshop stuff this week and, come Thursday, I was ready for some live entertainment...it was off to the Pavillion to see a play. Fine...good fun...but, god did I want a pint...home, Ben Nevis for a beer and then home again...and you know that way you are just finishing off the day, gabbing and just about to put the light out when - BAM - a bomb goes off in your street?

Well, yes, indeed...around 11.40 (officer) the whole building shook, getting us up out of bed to go and explore. We live in an noisy street, but not that noisy! All the wee ladies were leaving the bowling club and we could see them pointing at something...after more exploration - I saw it - a big merc people carrier all blown inside out, the window at the photographic studio (20 feet x 10 feet) was all blown in and a car at the other side of the street was smashed in the blast too. Cars in front and behind were fine - which was a good one cos I have my mum's car while she's away and its totally undamaged. But you can imagine the e-mail/phone call -

'oh hi mum...yep all's fine...uh hu, Caitlin's great...yep a bomb went off in the street...sure, yeah, Anthony, Mark and Julie are fine too' - AAAARRRRGGGGGHHHH

But seriously thought, it was all very exciting stuff (of course I should mention that no-one was hurt). Our street was cordoned off for the best part of the next day, couldn't move cars, our close had 'police' tape round it, couldn't walk along the street and the CID were round asking us stuff - like, 'what's yer bra size' and 'aren't you that singer'?? All very informative I'm sure.

But it was touch and go as to whether or not I would be able to get my car out of the street for my gig in Edinburgh the next night - ! But I needn't have worried, Alby came to get me...he's a big soul and was very interested in my post-traumatic stress (!). Of course I did manage to mention many times throughout the show that I was suffering from PTS (as opposed to PMS!!!) but no-one was as impressed as I was by the bomb story! We still never found out what it was about - isnt that weird - the police want you to tell them everything but wont tell you a thing! Last I heard, it was drug related - someone couldn't get enough paracetamol or something!

Apart from the PTS, the Edinburgh show was great fun. That venue - the Pleasance Cabaret Bar - is just wonderful and Jan from Juniper Promotions puts her all into it.

Iain Morrison from Poor Old Ben played on his own and was fantastic I really enjoyed listening to him on his own, just to get the voice and the more celtic angle of what he does...he is a talented man.

That night my brother and sis-in-law came along in preparation for their trip to the Himalayas - preparation because they were too excited to rest up and stay at home. It was great to see them and I think that what they are doing is inspirational - walking along the Himalayas for 10 days, walking something like 20+ miles per day in order to raise funds for Maggie's Cancer Charity. I mentioned this at the gig - a, because I am really proud of them for doing this and b, because I think it is a totally admirable cause. Anyway, I got up to see them at the end of the show, only to be told that people from the audience that night went to them and donated money to the cause - now isnt that amazing? Absolutely stunning!

The next morning, it was off to London for my old mate, Sacha's house warming party. What a great weekend we had - and how cool to fly to London for a party!

The house, while absolutely stunning on a bricks and mortar level, was in fact ownded by two guys who used to own a kitsch shop in London - and oh, how it showed! What a scream...the hall was three shades of pink, with each shade separated by a strip of silver tape. She and her hubby had big wardrobes in their bedroom which would actually look good with mirrored doors, however, the guys had pasted a massive picture of a lake-type landscape. Then there was our room...dark, bottle green with red fake (thank god) ornate pillar/coving type thingies...getting the picture?

Sach and Chris had redone the livving room in their own cool and trendy style and so I can't wait to see the rest of it - mind you, apart from an amazing kitchen and bathroom (already there) they have to do everything - even the garden was bedecked with plastic coloured flowers and roman type head things...so I fear they may be sometime - maybe my next London trip will be a painting trip!

Still, it didn't stop us having a brill time - in fact, the kitsch nature of their decor positively enhanced our weekend. Ruby (their beautiful daughter) is great company with young kids or adults. And, after watching Nemo, she treated us to a couple of dance routines. Well, apparently she doesn't watch pop videos or stuff like that, so suffice to say that these were her own compositions - what a laugh...her wee face was so serious - she is six years old and her dad pipes up - 'bloody hell, all she needs now is a pole'! She was amazing, very theatrical, if absolutely mental!! Watch this space cos I'm sure she'll be following her mum into the theatre - one way or another!


22nd - 31st March ...and that was it - London town! A flying visit, but a great fun one. We managed to take a walk into town along the river and sauntered to the airport when we felt we should. Then, suddenly remembering our Lufthansa nightmare (you know when the plane left without us - because we were ninety seconds late) we thought we ought to get there as early as possible. Mind you, the plane left twenty minutes earlier than scheduled so they were still shouting our names over the tannoy!

When we did get home, we arrived to find our bathroom the perfect shade of pink - no silver tape in sight though...!

Another perfect Pink was playing at the SECC this week. We lucked out and got some freebies to go and see her. She was stunning. What a brilliant performer. Great singer, great dancer, great choreographer and, as luck would have it a great shagger! Yes, indeed, and for no reason apparent to me, the middle of the stage turned into a rampant sex show with Pink simulating sex with her three backing singers. I'm sure an incredible turn on for some - some that is bar the guy in front of me who had had his wee boy on his shoulders throughout the show. The wee boy disappeared at this point - must've been put inside his dad's jacket!

So a risque show some and just a plain old risky show for others, particularfly Pink's personal insurers. That is to say, that at the end of the gig, she was flown up on a massive ribbon and started to do all these stunts and spins - kind of like the bbc shorts between shows. Well, it was an absolutely stunning stage show, particularly at this point. I remember getting her first album and being totally blown away. I am happy to say that her live show did the same to me - simulated sex and all!

And that's it. March gone, but not forgotten. I am happy to note that that is our house painted...all we have to do now is wade through the masses of 'we're getting our house painted' boxes - there are many of them - very many! fortunately it means I will get to do some DIY - I LOVE DIY and have some pretty cool drills and stuff to help me - ooh er.

Have a great April, enjoy easter...

Carol