Well, I've been mad busy so no, I haven't gotten to the bottom of my broadband problem yet. So, I'd really rather not discuss it! Except to say that my wee iBook totally crashed...dead as a door nail, couldn't get it on, wouldn't work - Argh, thank god Eric and Mediaspec are on speed dial!

Also, Zelda got sick, very sick...

Doesn't it always happen like that? Lots of things all go belly-up at the same time?

On the brighter side though, Caitlin is still enjoying the guitar, but on an even brighter side, she has just received the most glowing report card from her first year at high school - it is honestly bloody, bloody brilliant. And, of course, I say that as a totally objective person!

Also, on the even more bright sunny and shiny side, there has been a new arrival this month - David & Yvonne Rogers have had their wee baby. Spring really is a month for new-ness-ness! (things like that word for example).

1-7 May

Well, nice start to the week. I had a day off which consisted of a four-hour breakfast at Café Rio, a new place in Partick, Glasgow. I gotta tell you, it's crackin'. A few teething problems with food and stuff, but the surroundings are great. If you're in Glasgow, take a wee walk in, great coffee too. Don't worry though; my allegiance is still with Montgomery's!

Not that it matters too much though since detox week was upon me! Damn it, I swear the months are getting shorter!

And, didn't we have the most amazing thunderstorm this month? I couldn't believe it, in fact nor could anyone. We were sitting in the front room with the lights out, oooh-ing and aaaaah-ing, when I noticed that every house down the crescent had their lights out and sitting at their windows too, oooh-ing and aaaaah-ing. People were out in the street dancing and singing in the torrential rainstorm. It was quite spectacular, I imagined its what it would be like if aliens came to earth - which makes sense somewhere in my vacuous brain!!!

8-14 May

This week I was trying to get Zelda out on the road, but every time I did, it would teem with rain, horribly so. Plus, she was making a rather rattly noise! Exhaust?

Anyway, not to worry, I was off to Mull and Iona for the weekend. And what a weekend it was. Amazingly, the weather was fantastic, warm and sunny. I came back as brown as old get out!

Mull was wonderful. Our host - Gordon McLean - who was putting the gig on at An Tobar in Tobermory, couldn't have been warmer. He did everything he could to make this a wonderful show - INCLUDING playing double-bass along with me on Chasing Whisky. Thanks Gordon, you were brill...especially after being put on the spot like that.

Before I left though, David & Yvonne got in touch to say that contractions had started - aw naw, so they were going to have the baby when I was away and had no hope of getting up to the hospital to see them!

So, hungry for news, I played the gig with my phone on stage with me in the hope that they'd interrupt with some great news. Nothing yet though...

Next day, Tam and I took the most glorious drive through Mull to take the boat to Iona. Before we go though, Mull is just beautiful. It is one of the places where you just feel delighted to be Scottish. That is, until Gordon told me that the Mull authorities were thinking about charging for parking in Tobermory high street - argh! So, now Scotland, not Glasgow becomes the biggest controlled car park in the world!!! Welcome. (Maybe if we are successful in our bid for the 2014 Commonwealth Games, a ticket would mean free parking for the duration?!!?)

Anyway, we were off to Iona. It was great again. The place we were staying was a wee bit out of town - well, not really town, more like tow... cos its tiny. But it was a twenty-minute walk, (can't take the car to Iona) so we went for a wee coffee in 'bar', which, as I've said before, is right next to 'restaurant'.

We were talking to the barman who asked where we were off too and stuff and this other guy came up and said, 'hi, Carol, It's my place you're staying in, just leave your bags in the green car out there and I'll drop them off for you.' Island life...

The gig was pretty cool. Very small and for the first time in my performing life, I played the show without a PA, you know, mic and amplification and stuff. But it was great. Not something I'd choose to do too often, but fun nonetheless.

And then it was off for the end-of-tour party in 'bar'. We'd decided to try a malt whisky and so we did. Some Bowmore thingy. We had two different types so that we could share -

'That's £10.75' said the bartender.

'...pardon?' Said the lass from Paisley, 'TEN-POUNDS-SEVENTY-FIVE? For two drinks? Are you sure I haven't bought everyone in the bar a drink and didn't know it?'

Yes, that's how much it cost for two whiskies. Tam had chosen this one that must've been a million years old, because it's obviously a collector's item!

However, it was really pretty amazing because as soon as I smelled it, I felt as though I was sitting at a big open fire, the aromas were amazing. So, I tried to console my battered wallet with visions of sitting round a big open fire singing Joni Mitchell songs...!

Still no word on the baby. The text read 'contractions close, but not close enough' waiting, waiting, waiting...

15-21 May

So, home on Sunday night, hoping that I would go straight to the hospital to see a new wee friend, however, no luck, Yvonne was still waiting. What a bloody shame, she must have been in agony, particularly as the weather this weekend was boiling!

But on Tuesday, 16th May at 12.46, wee baby Noah was born - 9.14 ounces. He is a wee cracker and very calm and very beautiful. Pictures to follow...So, many visits to the hospital this week - he really is a wee shining star.

Also, I finally took Zelda into the Scooterworld shop in Paisley. I mention the shop by name, not as an advert, but more as a warning! It was supposed to take an hour but of course, took the whole day - means they can charge me loads for labour right? Then, when I got her home, shiny new exhaust and all, the very next day her drive belt 'went' (am never sure what that means, cos, she really wasn't going anywhere!) And, of course, when I called the shop they were like, 'oh, its nothing to do with us, that was ready to go and blah, blah, blah...'. Coincidence...?

Being a woman is something I've never felt hard done by about, quite the contrary in fact. However, I believe that there is a secret language between a lot of male bike mechanics which involves them realising you're a female, them scratching their genitals and then ratching up the pound signs in their eyes! 'she'll not know...'

This is a point borne out by the girl who owns Bike Sorce on Great Western Road in Glasgow. She was fed up being done by male mechanics that she set up her own bike business, which I am happy to say, seems to be thriving - and is used by both men AND women!

It was also borne out by James - the guy who finally fixed Zelda. A wee guy whom I've never met, but know him through someone who knows him through his dad's pal's brother's sister's friend - got that!

Anyway, Zelda is home, safe, sound, silent and zippy, with her fancy new drive belt and exhaust - I'm a regular mod on that wee scooter! By the way, James charged me something like 25p for fixing the scooter AND he had to fix the exhaust that the shop in Paisley had made a hash of! So B-E-W-A-R-E!

22-31 May

This week I got to meet an old friend - Ms Eliza Gilkyson. She was playing in Edinburgh so I managed to get through and hang out with her. You remember we did that tour together in '03?

Well, no surprises, she was on great form. Its hard to believe that the woman is somewhere in her fifties, she looks gorgeous, sings amazingly well and has the gigging stamina of a 20 year old. (The day she landed in the UK, she started gigging that night and didn't have a day off till her flight home!).

I also had a gig up in Islay - land of malt whisky! I think there are about 9 breweries on the island AND, the gig was part of the whisky festival - oh Joy.

We tried some whiskies, but never managed to find the really expensive one from Iona that smelled of open fires and winter nights...we'll keep on trying to find it though.

When the gig was over, we stayed another night, just to explore the island. And what a beautiful place Islay is...so flat (and windy). There were the most amazing bays and beaches and then cows and sheep just roaming around on the road and on the beach and on greens and stuff - quite incredible.

The hotel? Well, what a laugh it was. We got into our room and thought that the window was open, either that or there was wind in the pipes because of the wind outside. There was a really loud howling sound. So, we managed to change room into this big palatial space looking out onto the bay and all we heard all night was a really loud knocking from a flag pole blowing about on the roof .

And the people? Just amazing! As with Iona and Mull, everyone was so friendly and helpful; even the young folk who looked like they were going to mug you. There's the uniform shell suit, skip cap, big shoes and trousers tucked into their white socks and then of course that threatening look that just dissolves when they say 'hello, how are you, can I do anything for you?'.

I think one day when I'm old and grey I will move to an island, drink whisky, play guitar round the fire and die in my sleep! Oh no, miss out that last part...

Till then, you'll notice I didn't mention the world cup OR Big Brother. Well, just a taster for next month - I hate BB and, of course, watch it every evening! And the World Cup? Well, of course I will be supporting Mexico, in deference to my lovely neighbour and my brilliant trip there. And, then I'll be supporting England - that is until they score that first goal against whoever they are playing and the ugly racist in my will surface - I don't know, I don't get what it is. I'd like those guys on the pitch to win, I just couldn't do with it when it comes to all the commentators and media. I wouldn't be an England player for all the tea in China. Mind you, I remember that guy Escobar from Columbia who was shot for letting in an own goal - hmmm, maybe that England job I was offered isn't such a bad offer after all!

Anyway, we can dissect all of that in my June diary. Till then, come on EN-GER-LAND I'm routing for ya.

See you soon, in June!

Ps - I do realise that the Culture Club song I was on about is called Do you DEAL (not DREAM) in black money - sorry - duh!