It was so long ago, the last time we spoke that I am trying to remember what I was up to!

And then I remember...I was in the airport, going to spend the weekend with the Jersey Princesses - ah...just lovely. And I know that I was just beginning my new venture as the Coordinator for Hear Glasgow - the Strategic Music Partnership here in our fair city of Glasgow - but that's all I know, so as usual, I'll have to make some stuff up! Okay...?

Seriously though...


March

Before we finish with February...

...MusicLearningLive2010! The conference consists of all things music (or did the title already give that away?) and it was a blast, so much so, that I take all the credit for having inspired the organisers to run the conference in Glasgow next year - how cool am I, if slightly immodest!!!

Also, did I mention before that February saw me take the reigns as a lady golfer??

Yes, oh yes...I am treading where no lesser mortal (ie women) should dare to tread, into the world where women are lesser, in every way...they can't hit as hard, they can't hit as far, they are not as precise, their clubs are smaller (yes, it would seem that size DOES matter). However, no one thought to mention that women golfers are younger and more attractive either - and yes they most certainly are...!

So, watch this space, at this stage we are only taking lessons - a great birthday gift from my good friend Judy - but, before you know it, we'll have taken up private membership at a club.

But! Until that time, we've got to be told that my mum, ill all winter with a chest infection from Siberia, was finally on the mend! She was actually doing some chores around the house, you know, dishes and cleaning the kitchen and doing the laundry. And there she was, hanging out some laundry to dry when she tripped over a sheet and broke her bloody leg!

Can you believe it?

After spending December to March indoors, and after finally getting out and about, she found herself in a bed with a plaster on her leg? What a bloody pisser!

Or so you would think...!

Deterred? Nope, not Irene! Scunnered, yep, but not deterred!

As usual, when you go to visit my mum in hospital, you'd swear you were on the set of Dynasty with my mum as the central, most glamorous character! And this - her 4473rd time in hospital THIS YEAR(!) - was no exception...shine she did...! You're an inspiration mum!!

March also found ME being a character from Dynasty - not quite Krystal Carrington, more her demon, long-lost daughter, who was putting on a disastrous event in her new fancy-nancy-coordinator-gig and turned into a lunatic in the process!

Yes, that was I, but my event actually went pretty well...I only turned to lunacy because I chose to...lunacy and red wine!

That aside, the new gig's going pretty well!

Another bit of lunacy occurred when me and the gals - six of us - went to Stobo Castle for a girlie weekend of indulgence - champagne, shades and shimmying! Just lovely! Nowt better than hanging out with your pals, drinking fizz - plus, it was good training for any future Dynasty roles!

Until the phone in our room rang...'we've had a complaint about the noise...' ooo, er...good night!


April

That was me; I was ready...I was off to jail...

Yes, three weeks sentence at HMP Greenock with the Citizens Theatre...for being too noisy on a girlie weekend...nah, nope, only joking...

BUT, I did go to prison and I did get to work with a group of women who were at different stages of their respective sentences...

A group of women, who didn't want to do it, although, really did! Who thought everything was crap, although they really didn't! And who just weren't interested in a thing, although they really were!

And thank god they were interested. Thank god they were up for it and thank god they didn't really thing it was crap because this gig was, for me, one of the most life changing work experiences ever...a real profound experience with a group of women who moved me more than I ever thought possible!

The whole project had its hiccups along the way, of course...but the final night saw me, the ice queen (who actually cries at the drop of a hat, but not at work!!) greeting my eyes oot! I couldn't stop myself; what these girls managed to achieve in a few short weeks was astounding! I know it wasn't just them, it was a conglomeration of things, but the gals, coupled with the team at the Citizens Theatre, just blew me away...

Anyway, gush, gush, gush...but believe me, I'm stopping short of how much I want to go on! I feel blessed to be involved in such a special and profoundly moving project!

...And now there is a pause in the diary - as I write this part of my diary it I'm in Dundee with GD2 (Keeley) for a couple of days - and, honestly, I am gobsmacked! I am gutted! I am worried! And, I am fighting (as of now) for independence! How can it be that we are on the cusp of a Tory government - how can this have happened? How can Labour have allowed this to happen??? Let's cut the deficit by cutting the spend - not the spend by the richest people in the country, but by the folk who probably need most help! And that's just the beginning...my question is...why not cut all of our costs by 3%? Why is everything so unfair!??

Yep, the map shows red seats throughout Scotland and Blue throughout England! Go figure...! Like I say...independence and freedom - then I see Alex Salmond's face and here what he has to say and I realise that I think the only option is living on the moon!

Anyway, back to writing my diary because I guarantee that over the next while (too effin long), this anti-Tory rant will be a big part of my thing...apologies in advance!

Bizarrely, throughout the whole of my prison gig, my Jersey Princesses were staying at my house. It was brill though, cos I got to see them and hear them and find their dirty socks in my loo, but it was rubbish because I never got to spend enough time with them! But then, is there such a thing as enough time with those gals???

One night though, when I was working in my loft, the beautiful Jayna joined me...she was on the laptop on Facebook and I on the big orgasmatron iMac recording tracks for the prison gals...

'hmmm,' said Jayna, during some hiatus in her online chat, listening to the sounds I was making 'yeah', she murmured in approval and a posh accent, 'sounds good'...

...well, thanks Ms Cowell...!!!

But memories don't come better than this one...

GD1 (Caitlin) had yet another school show - a celebration of 5th and 6th year pupils' work (yet I could swear she was only seven when she left for school that morning!).

At this show, Caitlin was dancing with another two pupils to a Carol Laula song - (Moira Anderson) Little Angel - but, rather than play the CD, her dance teacher approached me to see if I'd be willing to sing it live for them to dance to...

Eh...aye!

It was a lovely moment - yet another special memory for me and this special gal to share...aaahhhh!

The end of April saw me up in Skye. It was a work gig, but Amanda and GD2 (Keeley) came along too - magical.

She was great fun, laughing, singing, talking, walking, running, sleeping and all of those amazing things that your wee one does...better than any other wee one of course! The rain in Skye didn't let up for one minute, but it didn't matter - we had such a brilliant time. And the next thing you know...she'll be sixteen too!!!


May

Go on...go and get a wee cuppa before I move onto May, not cos it will be long, but because you've been sitting here for so long already - and I haven't made anything up yet!

I'm not making this up either...Judy and I are now officially Lady Golfers - we've joined our own special club and we have golf outfits, golf bags, golf shoes and golf jokes - we are so much fun, honest! No Honest, we are...honest!!!

When you his your first ball - or 'tee off' as its known, you have to go from the first tee which is right outside the clubhouse...where there are about a hundred people watching you so, no pressure!

In fact, first time we tries it, there were a few 'gentlemen' watching from behind the tee –

'ladies, are you new members?'. How did he guess, I wonder...maybe he's going to give us some tips???

'yes' I replied, all girlie and flirty and eyelids a-batting...(he was well into his sixties by-the-way!

Well, the age thing should have given it away...

'you are aware that women (did he spit then?) have to off the course by six pm'...

ahhhh, 'yes,' said I 'and thank you for your lovely welcome'...

Another lovely chauvinistic story to follow and if you are a girl with thin skin and are thinking of joining a golf club, then please stop reading now!

We were about to tee off from the fourth (don't worry if you don't know what this means, suffice to say that it isn't exactly 'etiquette'!) Anyway, we didn't know this as the lady captain had taken us from there a couple of times previously!

Well, an alien descended up on us - 'stop, stop, you can't go from here...' came the vehement shout from the previous green! Honestly, this old guy came running over - before he'd finished his shot and began ranting at us! It was quite fantastic - I don't think anyone has ever spoken to me like that.

Did I rise to it - no unfortunately, I was too stunned - we both were.

'eh, don't worry, we'll wait for you to play through' I stumbled

'oh, we'll play through alright and blah, blah, blah'

Honestly, you'd think I'd killed this guy's dog, or something, he was apoplectic with rage.

I felt the need to diffuse the situation and when I started to speak, his answer was

'oh, shut up, stop your stupid talking!'

And stop we did - honestly, I was dumfounded! I can be quite feisty (as some of you may know) but here I was defeated...!

We'd been warned - it's a man's world - but wow!

Still, undeterred, we teed off and we were fine that day, but the next day, it has to be said, we were superbly sh*te! It's a funny, frustrating game golf - and I love it!!!

I managed to pull myself away from the club and go the Stables in Milton Keynes - I hadn't played there before and managed to have a great fun gig and make a load of new friends - and some old ones too. One girl used to live in Livingstone and had come to lots of shows before and now, living in this part of the world, couldn't believe that here I was, playing on her doorstep again - bless!

As well as this gig, I had a Love, love, love show with Liz Lochhead in Balloch. I'd been in this wee library before, really wee - but here it was, all the tables and shelves moved back, Liz and I had a great show with a great audience. I was really looking forward to it and it didn't disappoint!

Next night, I had a band gig - well a wee acoustic show with Stuart Kidd, David Rogers and Marco Rea. It was part of the Southside Festival and, to be honest, I wasn't really looking forward to it - I know, I'm rotten! No more so that because Maeve O'Boyle was one of the opening acts and I'd been dying to see her. Also, my friends had just flown in from Ireland with their new wee baby and I wanted to hang out...I know, moan, moan, moan!

As it turned out though, it was a brilliant, fun gig...great crowd with lots of banter, a great venue and such a great band - I had a smashing night and remembered that I should stop moaning - or get a real bloody job!

My mum was going to come along to this one but she couldn't...nope, after having spent most of this year in hospital, getting out, falling and breaking her leg, five hours before this gig, she fell and broke her hand - ahhhh Kriystal, you've gotta stop boozing!!! (needless to say, that joke didn't go down too well!)

And May finished off with a special treat - I didn't know it was going to turn out this way, but we went to St Andrews for the weekend - it was supposed to be camping, but it was too bloody cold (thank god)! We spent the day mooching around the R&A golf course, looking at the greens, watching some folk teeing off, watching others finishing at the green, watching a bit of pitching and, of course, shopping for more outfits! Oh my god, what's happening to me? Maybe I should switch from professional singer to golf - pro!

I can see it now, the only golf pro with a handicap of four-hundred-and-twelve!

See you soon

Carol