I’m going to try a new format I think. I’m not going to bother with dates and stuff, I’m just going to babble on and on and on…and on! And, not only that, I’m going to do it on my fancy-nancy new keyboard that doesn’t have any wires – very cool dontya know? (okay, that’s 53 words already!)

This month started off with an ‘event’ in Barshaw Park in Paisley. Unfortunately, it had rained all morning so the grass was more than wet. The stage, of course, was right in the middle of the grass! And, just after my songs, I was to introduce the lieutenant brigadier general’s second assistant (or something like that). And, up he strode – well, more of a march really – brolly in hand, and apologised to everyone in the (Paisley) crowd if, by any chance, they couldn’t understand him, but, he was one of the very few people in Paisley who could afford elocution lessons! WHAT? I saw everyone, every single person back-stage, with the most shocked and startled expression on their faces. Then the folk in front of the stage? Well, they weren’t there for too long…perhaps off to check their meagre bank balances to see if the could afford to speak proper! What an incredible faux pas!

Anyway, nope, I don’t like this new format – and I’m only on October 1st!!!!!


2nd – 15th October

Well, the countdown was on. My wee brother was coming home from Jersey for his big birthday and we were all dead excited.

It would be weird having him to stay at my place because all we were eating was fruit and veg and all he was doing was drinking birthday champagne – I think he may have been bathing in it too?

Of course I had just seen him a couple of weeks before while we were in Jersey but it didn’t stop me really looking forward to it. Also, Nick and I look almost identical, well, apart from the growth that is – EH, HIS GROWTH thank you very much! So, you could see folk looking at us, and my neighbours were very confused.

Nick reminded me of a story from years ago when I was playing a show in Paisley. He was packing up the gear and wee Sandy from the opening act went up to him and said something like, ‘well, Carol, what did you think of it?’. I don’t think he worked it out on his own, I think Nick had to tell him that it wasn’t me!

Anyway, I don’t think I told you last month, but I finally relented and bought myself a wee car. A wee white Felicia Skoda called Sammy. It was my mum’s old car and she was getting rid of it. I thought, well, its winter, I’ve a lot of workshops and stuff coming up, so if the car’s going, I should just buy it. And so I did…I still have my wee scooter though.

Anyway, Nick and his gal Lizzie were off up north for a couple of nights so I told him to take my car and I’d just jump on the scooter. Fine.

So, there I was on Tuesday morning, heading out of the house, went to the end of the street and was waiting to turn left and wham! Next thing I knew, I was lying on the road and my bike was about eight feet in front of me, also lying on the road!

I was fine, I jumped up in a flash and the girl in the car came out all worried. And a cyclist came over and lifted my bike over to the kerb. It turned out I knew him. However, my shock must’ve kicked in, cos there I was, over to the girl making sure she was okay – it must’ve been frightening for her to see someone come flying off their bike.

Anyway, we started to exchange details and I was taking her registration number and noticed that her car was advertising Diamond insurance. Maybe she worked for them? No! She was driving a courtesy car because she had just been in an accident the week before! Nae luck hen!

And there I was, all shocked, battered and bruised and I couldn’t even have a coffee to calm my nerves – I was on Carol Vorderman’s bloody detox…bring out the lemon tea!!


16th - 31st October

I wanted to go to the movies to see Little Miss Sunshine, however, when we got there, it was all sold out. So, we went to see The Devil Wears Prada – Or, the devil wears Primark as Amanda was calling it. Oh dear, I don’t know if you’ve seen it – but I thought it was pretty bad. Some nice stylish shots of NYC and the opening sequence was great, especially to the music of KT Tunstall; also, Meryl Streep was outstanding. But the rest of it was just pretty dire. Caitlin enjoyed it though – no accounting for taste eh?

I also went to see the amazing, wonderful, incredible Nick Harper.

Not too much I can say here except – wow! The guy is just tremendous. I don’t know where he gets his energy from but he is incredible. His songs, his singing, his playing. I took Marco Rea to hear him and he was just blown away.

Also saw the Departed. It’s a cracker. But got a wee bit daft at the end, I’m always amazed that there are people left, given that everyone shoots everyone. Mind you, I was disgusted that President Jed Bartlet got killed – hope I’m not giving anything away – but Martin Sheen got chucked off a roof. I didn’t like that too much! I also wish some of these big block-busters would include some decent roles for women. There’s always the token woman who’s really only there for sex – mind you, she did get to have sex with Leonardo De Caprio – so, that’s a token worth cashing in, right?

I’m missing out a lot of this month, because, it would mostly read – ‘chopped vegetables, ate salad, cooked vegetables, drank water, chopped fruit, cooked rice, ate quinoa, drank more water’. Compared to the 28-day thing last year though, this detox was no problem. I think maybe because we’ve been doing it throughout the year every month. In fact, I’m actually thinking of living my life like this – becoming a monk! NOT!!

In the middle of the month, we had a great night at salsa. It was the last night before the October break and there was a live band there. Rudolfo (our teacher) came in and just said ‘Okay, on you go, DANCE’. And that was it, we just danced all night, it was magic fun…so much so, that I’m thinking of entering for strictly come dancing?

And, speaking of dancing…we went to see Zero 7. Anyone seen them? I saw them a few years ago at a brill gig in Glasgow. The singer Sia was there and was so very cool. However, when we saw them this time, she was pretty uncool. She kept doing that daft wee girl, laughing and flirting thing AND she danced like crazy, it was very strange. Her voice though, sounded absolutely amazing. But for all that other stuff, I just wanted to give her a skelp round the back of the head!

I know, I know, I’m still babbling…not long to go now.

We were getting a bit excited because detox was drawing to an end.

On our first day ‘off it’ we had a lovely coffee and went to spend the day speaking Spanish at the Spanish Fair. Well, a couple of hours of it anyway. Not only that, there was to be a salsa class, flamenco, Latin American song and, most exciting-ly, there was to be trapeze!

I was dying for a go but there were lots of children around. So, I kind of sidled up to the guy and whispered ‘can I have a go?’. No problem he said, so there I was, pushing the children out of the way and up I went – with a little help from Rudolfo (he’s the salsa teacher too!). I got up and sat on the swing, it was great fun and then, as I’d watched earlier I just swung back to get off, except, one of my hands missed the swing and there I was, flailing about like a flailing about thing, trying to hold onto the swing, and, all the time trying to look cool in front of Rudolfo!

Hmmmmm failed on each count!

So, I took my battered pride, went home and prepared for the big party we were going to that night. First night on the booze for a month and all, big fancy-nancy party in a big fancy-nancy house in Gourock. We were told to dress smart for this do and I could see why. It was real high society stuff. We just stood around, chatting to people and there was staff there who kept recharging our glasses with champagne and who kept dishing up freshly-made-by-the-chef-in-the-kitchen sushi. It was wonderful.

Also, in one of his rooms, he had a full band set up and Henry Gorman was there (Happy Place and Heaven). So, after the band kicked off, Henry and I were up singing our wee hearts out. There must’ve been lots of champagne though, because at one point, Amanda and I were up singing backing vocals to reeling in the years! Yes, that kind of night.

And, later, lots of champagne later. The staff came out with portions of fish and chips for everyone! It was perfect, just perfect.

And, that’s really it. I didn’t mention that we did go out one Friday night – mid detox – to Borders books to find some stuff out about Nicaragua & El Salvador. It was funny though, there we were – trendy young things – out in the middle of Glasgow on a Friday night, the place was jumping with folk out partying, and we were cutting around with books tucked under our arms!

However, it worked because we came home and booked the biggie.

Off to Nicaragua on Christmas day, then up to El Salvador and finish in New York for two nights with my lovely pal Rita. The back to Glasgow on 15th January – Ah, I’ll tell you, it’s a tough life being a singer/songwriter, maybe I should think about being a monk after all!

Acht nah…maybe next year!

Sorry for the ramble, but it’s me! And hey, it is almost 2000 words!

See you in December

Carol Laula