1st-10th
So, you know how I fancy myself as a real computer buff. You know how I can always fix computers and think I'm really good at it? Not only that, but I love to spend as much time as possible sitting in front of computers - ! (Actually, I kind of do – it's a stationery thing!)

Well anyway, my pal had a bit of problem with her broadband and could I go over and have a look at it? No Bother...off I went.

Well, I spent about 4 hours trying to fix this effin broadband problem. I did all the right stuff, made sure all the connections were right, made sure they were right again. Configured the configuration. Restarted it about 14 times. Went online to find out exactly what to do. Then went back online to ask what to do when you'd done exactly what you were told to do online and it didn't work. But hey, I could get online, so what was the problem? Check the configuration again, restart the machine...argh!

You get the picture? I'd done everything – absolutely everything. Except for the inevitable. So, just as I reached for the hammer, I though 'hold on, what about trying to change the thingmy...?', you know the ADSL connector that goes into the wall along with the phone line?

Well, I tried it and OF COURSE, it worked.

Bloody typical. If I'd tried that first then I'd have been bathing in champagne after five minutes!

Ah well, these things are indeed sent to try ME.

So, I needed a drink (good excuse)

Seriously though, I invited some neighbours for dinner. These are neighbours that we have been meaning to invite over for years, not months, but YEARS.

So there we were, all posh, trying to impress. Great Mexican food, great marguerites, great wine, great chat – then, horror of horrors, Liza Minelli was on the CD player. I couldn't stop myself. I was up miming and doing some (interesting) dancing on the table. Well, those neighbours left sometime after 4am, just as Ella Fitzgerald and I were about to do our final number!!! Wonder if those lovely, sane neighbours will invite us for a return match?


11th – 17th
A quiet week this one. Well, apart from playing a show in my hometown of Foxbar in Paisley. It was great fun. Of course, every member of my family was there, chatting and having a laugh not a lot of listening to the beloved family member singing!! Oh well, if your family can't chat while you're singing then who can? Well, actually, no one can – right? Got that???

Mind you, there's no one like family to bring you back down to earth.

I was having some photographs done for a newspaper article this week and the photographer (who came to my home) was particularly keen on the shrine.

'Shrine?' I hear you ask?

Well yes, we have a massive shrine and the centrepiece is a two-foot statue of the virgin of Guadalupe. This statue was brought back from Mexico to enhance our small collection of religious iconography.

Now, in Mexico, the Virgin of Guadalupe is the main man, higher even than JC. So, when we were boarding the plane in Mexico, the Air Lufthansa guy was like,

'no, no, you can't take fragile on plane, we no longer have fragile hold!!!', all irate and frustrated that we may take up too much space. (I should mention that the statue was in a big cardboard box with countless other shrine-age).

So, needless to say, Amanda looked all rejected and upset – we'd been collecting this stuff throughout Mexico.

'okay, okay', he said 'what's in box?'

I said 'it's a statue of the Virgin' (note the first name terms).

And, at that moment, the seas of people parted, a huge bright light appeared and that sound, what was that sound? Ah, of course, it was angels singing! We were led us onto the plane. A Statue of the Virgin? No problem.

Anyway, not like me to make a short story long eh? My family all know that this shrine is Amanda's hobby, kinda like a doll's house for her. She fusses over it and re-arranges it and stuff. I try to disown it and make out that Amanda's a little mad which, on re-reading this story, she is!

However, getting to the tenuous link, the photographer was keen to shoot the shrine and the article quoted me as saying something like 'blah, blah, blah, my shrine, blah, blah, blah, my shrine'...!

I got a call from every member of my family saying 'oh, your shrine is it? Your shrine?' all knowing full wall that it's Amanda's.

Actually, I reinforce to my mother that it definitely is Amanda's shrine, distancing myself. Especially since every time my mum comes into the house she genuflects and prays for our blasphemous souls!

Another thing, apart from my painfully honest family, that brought me down to earth this week is when you go to a big fancy-nancy wedding in a castle, pay a fortune to stay overnight, go to bed – sober! Then spill a full pint of soda water over the nice clean comfy bed!

Yes, this happened to me!

Worst thing though, was, as I was thinking, 'I'll be okay, I'll sleep on a towel', I could feel the water seeping onto my back!

So I decided I'd call room service for fresh bedding – this is at 2am.

Two young guys came up, all kitted out with fresh bedding and as I gave them the old stuff, I could see the look that passed between them, you know the look that says, 'so, eh, the en suite bathroom was too far away for her???'

Ouch! But, honest, it was the soda water...honest...

This 'quiet week' is becoming a little epic I fear...I'll speed it up.

The last night of this quiet week, saw me performing on Glasgow's new Squinty Bridge. It is quite an amazing structure over the river Clyde and there was to be live music and stuff the night before it was officially opened.

I played a couple of songs with David and played a few cover versions with the resident band comprising many of Glasgow's finest; none more so than the mighty Fraser Spears.

The theme was to be - surprise, surprise – rivers. So I sang Cry Me a River...a real classic, and yes, that other classic by Boney M – The Rivers of Babylon. (Jo McBride was there, she will testify to that!).

Apart from the dodgy songs, it was a fantastic night; Glasgow really knows how to celebrate.

And, hey, how could I forget? I got my photo taken with the Irn Bru bird, who'd said that s/he thought my set was fabulous! So there!


18th – 30th
The next day, however, it was all civil unrest, protest and off to the gallows with you Ms Laula.

Well, not exactly. But you know the whole neighbourhood have been pretty active insofar as getting the story about the parking fiasco out to as many folk as possible. Well, the grand opening of the bridge was happening. My neighbour had us all out with banners; ready to protest and off we went to the new bridge.

Steven Purcell, head of the council, was starting to speak, when my rebel neighbour produced a banner about the parking and stood beside Purcell on the platform and in front of the TV cameras. It was magic for the protest because all of the press swarmed around John and got the full story. David (manager) got a call that day asking if he would confirm that the Carol Laula involved in the protest was the same as Carol Laula the singer/songwriter – all very cloak and dagger!

Of course no offence is intended to the Squinty Bridge, like I said, it's an amazing piece of engineering. But, the more folk who hear about the parking the better.

Needless to say, I did escape the gallows, however, the fact that we were allowed to have a peaceful protest in this country is not lost on me.

I spent the September weekend this year in Jersey with my family. I don't want to say too much because I know I'm biased, but my two nieces down there are the most beautiful, funny, engaging girls ever. Helps of course when they are just gorgeous to look at too.

And what of the weather? The end of September and I spent the whole day in the water with the girls, singing, swimming and having fun – all with sun cream on too though! Whoddathunkit though, Suncream in September??? Good name for a song...

Which reminds me, I'm supposed to be spending September writing songs!

And so, September cometh and September goeth, but not before I give the last word to on the yogatastic teacher I have.

You know I told you last month about the 'no competition' in the yoga class. No you-don't-have-to-be-able-to-stand-on-your-little-finger-like-I-can type on competiton.

So, great class, working away, actually quite enjoying it. And then she spoke,

'if you wanna get rid of the little tensions of the day and smile, smile on the inside, wear you smile inside. And, so, when life gets tough, when it weighs you down, then just bring out that smile and put it on, life wont be tough any more'

There's really nothing to say I can say...!

Have a great October and, when your electricity bill or credit card account drops through the letterbox, just you bring out that smile and put it on...the price on the bill will go down and down...hallelujah.

See you in November when it's gonna be something like 50 days till Christmas. Hopefully I'll be able to report that we're all booked up for El Salvador, a task which is proving difficult at the minute!

Cheers

Carol

ps – am battening down the hatches in readiness for the 28 day detox. Started on 30th September and am feeling strangely good about it...watch this space!